My Friend has died...
It has been a while since I have been writing. It's almost exactly 2 months since my last post. Recently my good friend has passed away. He was like a father to me although I only knew him for about 2 years. I am not exactly too sure of how to feel because I feel like so many things are happening spiritually. He was a man with a vision--a dream that is so big that it cannot be seen in one lifetime....and now here I am after he has shared so much with me and tried raising me up as much as possible....here I am after I looked at his bones (after he was cremated) wondering what my role is now in all of this....
Today as I was cleaning my house, I was listening the the Bible and it went to Isaiah 6. Suddenly I felt like I needed to post this. So I stopped everything to write this (though my laundry is happening in the background).
Reading: Isaiah 6
In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. 3 And one called to another and said:
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory!”
4 And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. 5 And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!”
6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”
Isaiah's Commission from the Lord
8 And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.” 9 And he said, “Go, and say to this people:
“‘Keep on hearing, but do not understand;
keep on seeing, but do not perceive.’
10 Make the heart of this people dull,
and their ears heavy,
and blind their eyes;
lest they see with their eyes,
and hear with their ears,
and understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.”
11 Then I said, “How long, O Lord?”
And he said:
“Until cities lie waste
and houses without people,
and the land is a desolate waste,
12 and the Lord removes people far away,
and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land.
13 And though a tenth remain in it,
it will be burned again,
like a terebinth or an oak,
whose stump remains
when it is felled.”
The holy seed is its stump.
From verses 1-5, I feel exactly as Isaiah felt during that time. For some reason, after my dear friend passed away, I felt like all my sins are in front of my face like I can't escape. I already know how much of a retched man I am and all the things I have said and done, but for some reason, after he passed, it was even more in my face.
"Woe to me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips..."
I was literally saying this to God, I think two days ago. "I'm lost, and I don't know which way to go, what to say, or what to do..." All I know is that I want to be effective for the kingdom--God's Heavenly Kingdom. Though I am unclean, God still wants to reveal Himself to me...how can I handle such revelation...?
Then verse 7 reminds me of the sacrifice Jesus did on the cross. "...your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." Isn't it similar to 1John2?
"...we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world..."
Jesus died for my sins. And because of that I can boldly approach the throne of God. Yet I cannot deny the fact that I have done many wretched things, but I must believe the truth that I have been forgiven.
"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' Then I said, “Here I am! Send me."
As much as I might feel like Isaiah did, I still want God to send me. I want to be the one sent by God and speak what He speaks--Truth. I want to help people discover who they truly are.
I understand that sometimes I may have to be a bearer of bad news, but with God, is there bad news? So many times again, especially after reading Amos, you see how when you plea for forgiveness, God often times relents. So often God holds back the punishments we so deserve and blesses us instead. But if the bad is to happen, how much more the good that will come after?
LORD, send me. I want to carry the torch and run. Help me to ignite the fire in Your people. Transform me so I can help transform others. It is impossible to give what I do not have. So LORD, give me all that You have for me so I can pass it on to others. Remove all that is not from You so that I don't pass those on. I only want to give to others what You have given me. LORD, let this be a reality from now. Help me see a glimpse of this today. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.